Thursday, November 6, 2014

What motherhood looks like the second time around

Something happens when the second children are born amongst a group of friends. It's a play date that once would've been sharing anecdotes and coffee and quietly nursing your babies, but now is a series of unanswered questions, trailing off sentences, and utter exhaustion from managing toddlers who don't quite want to share yet. It used to be easy to offer advice, share a meal and help with house chores when a friend had a new baby. Now it's "welcome to the jungle, buddy" as you take turns wiping snotty noses, popping pacis in your mouths after they fall on a floor that hasn't been swept in ... Days? WEEKS? Who can really be sure. Neither of you even know what day of the week it is, or how many times the baby woke up last night, or how many weeks old he is. You're drinking too much caffeine - lukewarm at best, leaving a baby crying in the bouncy seat to take the 2yo to the potty, and wearing at least 2-3 bodily fluids - not your own - at any given time. 

But something magical happens when the second babies are born, and all of the moms start caring for all of the kids, regardless of who birthed them. You start doling out industrial size buckets of animal crackers and bouncing a newborn in each arm and not apologizing for bringing unsliced grapes. And there are a lot of tears, from the babies who can't be held as much as their older siblings and the toddlers who have ALL OF THE FEELINGS, and the overtired, overworked, overtouched mommies. But somehow, someone always has a free arm to stop your two year old from running in the parking lot or hold a pacifier in the baby's mouth while you pee for the first time in 6 hours. 

It's really quite lovely to watch, as each new second baby is welcomed and each new mom of two manages her own terror with the promise that she CAN do it, because look at all these moms who already are! There's so much grace given for moms of two, so much less judgement. And so much more coffee.  

1 comment:

  1. Thank you so much for posting this. I am not *quite yet* a mom of 2, but have a friend who recently became a mom of 2 and you perfectly described our play dates. It's nice to know it really *will* be ok, and that as moms we rally together. So refreshing.