"Oh my gosh, you're getting so BIG!"

... and other stupid things you should never say to a pregnant woman

Look, I get it. Maybe you've never had a human being living inside your abdomen. Or perhaps you have, but it's been 25+ years and you've forgotten how hard it is to grapple with the increasing numbers on the scale every week. When you become pregnant, it's like everyone forgets that they can talk to you about other things besides your impending arrival. Or that you're an actual human being and not just an incubator. I'm sure I've made some of the cardinal pregnancy mistakes myself, but guess what - you don't have to! Here's a list of things you should refrain from saying to a pregnant woman, whether she's a stranger at the supermarket, a co-worker, a member of your church, or your cousin / sister-in-law / friend.

(Disclaimer: Don't worry, I'm not mad at anyone in particular. The comments are just so baffling sometimes that I had to share)

• "You're finally starting to show!" or some other less polite way of saying you now look pregnant, instead of just fat. God only knows what they were saying before this point!
• "Are you scared about the delivery?" I'm sorry, are there people who are totally comfortable with pushing an 8 lb human out of any of the holes in their body? It's gotta come out some how!
• "Are you / your husband so excited?" If we weren't, do you think that's something we would be forthcoming about? Of course we're excited, but also scared shitless. And I think that's par for the course!
• "WOW" or any other exclamation that is noticeably in response to your exponentially-increasing-waistline. My thoughts exactly, every time I see my reflection, thanks for reminding me.
• "Be careful, because my friend had (insert horrible medical disaster) happen to her" As if you don't already have enough worry running through your mind every minute of every day. I'm really sorry that happened to your friend, but there's a 0.3% chance of it happening to me so I'd rather not dwell on the possibility.
• "Enjoy it now" whether in reference to sleep, eating out, going to the movies, frivolous spending, vacations, etc. because your life will come to a screeching halt once the baby comes. And when you try to say otherwise, their knowing "we'll see" comments with a smirk - just adorable.
• "I did that 20 years ago with my kids and they turned out fine" I am thrilled that your children didn't suffer any long-term damage (or worse) from a drop-side crib, being covered with a quilt, sleeping in your bed, sleeping on their stomach, etc. but infant fatality rates have dropped significantly since then and I'd like to keep it that way
• "You can't eat that / do that / go there - it's bad for the baby!" It's amazing how many of your friends and family members come out of the woodwork with their medical degree once you're expecting. You're right, I should definitely trust you instead of my obstetrician!

Mommies-in-progress / current Mommies, please share some of the gems you've heard over the years!