Thursday, May 24, 2012

Letters to London: The Art of Negotiation

"Some teachers are trying to low-ball me, Daddy. And I know how you say, 'Never accept a first offer,' so I figure these grades are just a jumping off point to start negotiations." 
-Cher, Clueless*
Baby Girl,

I want to be your friend, and I would love to, someday, be considered your best friend, but first and foremost, I want to be your mother. Sometimes that will mean I say or do things you don't like - I guaran-damn-tee you'll do or say things I don't like, too. Sometimes you will think (or even say!) that you hate me. That will be awful for me, but it is part of life. However, as your mother, I do not want to get into the habit of negotiations. What I say goes, and I plan to use - often - "Because I said so!" as rationale for any decisions I make.

But just this one time, I'd like to make a deal with you.
Because desperate times call for desperate measures and I just cannot be pregnant until July.

If you come on time, I will:
  • Eat wherever you want for dinner on your birthday each year
  • Take you on vacations
  • Do your hair
  • Schedule regular doctor and dentist appointments for you
  • Get pony rides for your first birthday party
  • Pierce your ears when you ask
  • Hold you until you fall asleep if you're sick or have a bad dream
  • Allow whatever color rubber bands you want on your braces
  • Regret making silly promises to a little girl who's not even here yet
  • Love you forever
Please. For the love of all things holy. Even if it's just this one time in your life ... do your mama a kindness and be on time?

And not just because I don't want to be pregnant until July.
But because your Daddy and I just cannot wait to meet you.

All my love,
Your Mom

*PS: I cannot wait until you are old enough to watch Clueless. It's pretty much the greatest movie of all time. When my friends and I were younger, we used to have sleepovers and crimp each other's hair (long after it was cool) and watch it. We all know, pretty much, the entire script. I once had an Easter outfit - that I made! - inspired by Cher. Yeah, it's that good.


  1. I love this post more than words can say.

    1. PS - I'm due in July...and I absolutely cannot be pregnant until July either....I'm soooo done!