Yes, I knoooooow I already posted today, but I can't let this slip by anymore. I need to get it off my chest, and Praise the Lord, Glennon (an amazing blogger I've been following for awhile) gave me the strength to share it with all (25) of you. I have been nervous about sharing these feelings with anyone, for fear of judgement. But you know what? This is my blog. And nobody gets to come to my blog and judge me. I know you're all here because you love me, and my recipes and my crafts and my husband and, most importantly, our sweet babe.
So, if you have the time, read this first. Then continue reading mine.
This is an absolutely amazing time in my life, and in my relationship with my Ben. I recognize that I only get to have these nine months, and then life will be flying by faster than I ever could've imagined. I recognize that the miracle happening inside me right now can only be described as that - a miracle. And that our gracious Father decided WE were fit to raise one of His precious children, and that I am fit to carry that precious child until it's ready for this world.
Psalm 118:23 The LORD has done this and it is marvelous in our eyes
It is so marvelous. This baby, creating a life with my wonderful husband, it's marvelous. But sometimes, I feel slightly less than marvelous, myself. Sometimes, when someone asks me, "Don't you just love being pregnant?!" I politely smile and nod, but inside, I'm thinking "ARE YOU CRAZY?!"
I vomited all day every day for almost three months, I miss sushi and Jersey Mike's, I couldn't partake in the beauty of fall beer season, I'm exhausted and have headaches every day, I don't recognize my own body and ALL I WANT TO DO IS SLEEP FOR EIGHT HOURS STRAIGHT. Yes, now that you mention it, I just looooooove being pregnant!
OK, I may be exaggerating slightly on how bad it is and how much fun it is not. And I know there are women who love being pregnant. But, y'all? I am not one of them.
To all you women who legitimately do love being pregnant, I love you for it. I love you for saying how much you love it, because it made me so excited to one day get pregnant and it makes me want to love it now. I don't resent you if you haven't had even a touch of morning sickness, or if your skin is glowing, hair is shiny and nails are strong, or if you somehow still have the strength and energy to run 6 miles, make an organic dinner and have sex with your husband every night. If it wasn't for people like you, and there were only people like me, no one would ever want to get pregnant. I understand they'd do it out of necessity to procreate, but they wouldn't look forward to it like I did. So God Bless You for convincing other women of the world to join this not-so-secret club called motherhood.
Now then, readers, please don't take this the wrong way. I love what God is doing in our lives. I love this little baby more than anyone on this planet besides my husband. And, trust me when I tell you, I want to love being pregnant. But I don't... yet. I keep being told that I'll forget all about being sick, tired and cranky in a few months. I'll forget that my nipples grew to the size of saucers and I cried over movie previews and screamed at my husband for an unmatched sock. I'll hold that precious angel and forget alllllll about the bad, only remembering the blessing that resulted in these 9 hellish months, and immediately want to do it all over again. But until that point, I'm going to remember. And I'm going to continue to smile and nod about how much I love being pregnant, all the while leaking unidentified vaginal fluid and trying to discretely adjust the elastic waist band that is likely digging into my love handles.
And let's be honest, with these hormones? I'll probably post in again in a few weeks, through weepy eyes, telling you all how much I really do love being pregnant.